Who am I now?

Sometimes the weight of life shifts and it feels like my world is spinning lopsided on a broken axel, and I'm either gonna lose my grip and fall off, or eventually give in and jump. I of course get those blasts of energy where I feel SO powerful, like I can fix not only my world, but all the floppy ones around me. That fades if I don't take my prozac on time.

January 26th 2006. Ill never ever ever forget that date. Here I sit, 6 years later, on this same date in a freezing cold field trying to feel my fingers as I vent to my blackberry...which will eventually reach you. (Technology is awesome yea?)

Some of you may know me as addison. :) she was created on this date. She was developed by a man named Brian ware. See, when I was 18, I was happy, in love, and unfortunately VERY gullible. This man emailed me, and over a period of 3 months we chatted back n forth and he slowly but surely crept into my head like the sick pedophile he is. It worked. I believed his lies, his fake made up, weak promises. Long story short (I'm writing a book about this) I was raped, didn't tell anyone, and he sold me straight into the sex industry, before I could even grasp what was happening.


That's how addison became, well, just addison. Brian took so much from me without me even knowing, but in turn the shit I've walked through in the darkest most scary times of my life, have made me, me.

Ill chip off my frozen tears, take my freezing body back up to my apt where I sit. Maybe ill take a bath, ill do some work. This day is so bittersweet.
I'd like to say I live my life with no regrets, but I can't lie and say I don't wonder who and where I'd be if I'd never answered brians email. The world moves fast, time doesn't stop for anyone, but days like these when I feel a sting, I stop, and it all becomes slow. If there is one person I'd like to be face to face with right now, I'd have to say Brian, just to ask: why?

That's all.
Loves.
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Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry